I grew up watching John Cusak movies. I really wanted to believe that standing outside some girl’s window with a boom box blasting a love song was the key to her heart.

Unfortunately, it’s not. And even though logically most of us know this, years of “pop song programming” seem to kick in every time we like a girl and lead us to make some very damaging mistakes.

Here are 3 of the most toxic killers of attraction:

1. Sending Her Flowers at Work

This move REAKS of desperation. It also says “I’m completely Unoriginal.” If you send a girl flowers early into a relationship you trigger her “CLINGY Alarm.” And she’ll begin worrying that if things end you’re going to be one of those guys who gets weird and creepy. Make no mistake, the thoughts that begin flowing through her mind when the flowers arrive are almost never positive.

2. Confessing Your Feelings too Soon

As guys when we have all these bottled-up feelings for a girl we want to blurt them out. We think: if only she knew how much I like her she’ll surely want to be my girlfriend. WRONG. The minute you confess your feelings to a girl you’re revealing your hand, and leaving her nothing to work for. Remember, the less she has to work for you, the more bored she becomes.

3. Being too Available

There are a few reasons this will kill her attraction towards you. First off, it eliminates some of your mystery. Second, it doesn’t give her time to miss you and anticipate seeing you. And third, we place less value on things that are easy to obtain. Which means if you’re always around she begins to value you less.